Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize