So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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