so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
