Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
