Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
