she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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