it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
