And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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