i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
