Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
