I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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