You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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