Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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