I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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