and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
