I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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