i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
