smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
