Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
