i think my tv is drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
