im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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