and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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