that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So apparently I’m into choking now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
