The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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