We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So vagazzling was a success
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
