I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
