I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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