We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
