I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
