but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
