well I can't set my house on fire every night
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
