even my farts smell like vagina
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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