I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
