Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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