My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
