I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
