and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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