i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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