ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
