I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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