Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I AM VODKA MAN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
