i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
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come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday