My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.