k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
