And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing