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I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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