oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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