had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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