I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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