a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
