You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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