I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
