ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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