Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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