ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
