M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
