I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
