oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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