The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
