I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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