Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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