I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
