All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
