So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
