3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
