So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
