dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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