tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
