Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
