i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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