My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately