He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
