I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.