You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
