I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
