I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?