how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
