Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?