the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.