was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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