Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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