the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
