I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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