i jhust puked up my retainher.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My feet surprised me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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