What a fucking waste of an outfit
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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