Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
