I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
