This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
